Iʼm standing in the warm, soaking rain that has permeated my coat and has left my hair dripping, flattened to my face and Iʼm holding my hand over an old stone carving with symbols of the goddess and Divine feminine. Running my fingers along the grooves of the spiral, Iʼm feeling the roughness of the stone and imagining all the ones whoʼve stood in this same exact place letting the language of the symbols infuse them to the point of understanding.
I had already traveled to the old wells where I peered into the deep chambers of mother earth just barely making out the glimmer of water at the bottom as the smell of dank earthiness filled my senses. I had already laid my belly down in the center of stone circles as the swirling vortex pulled out buried emotions of a place and time from long ago. And I had already climbed on my hands and knees into the faerie glens, beneath the canopy of flowering trees, chanting songs that felt like they came from another source than my own memory and my own voice. What is this journey that Iʼm on? Surrounded by ancient symbols, mythic lore and stones, lots of stones. What is it that the ancient Celts have to teach me, to show me? (1995, Sacred Journey to Ireland, Wales, England & Scotland)
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These were questions I asked myself frequently as I began my travels to sacred sites
where I discovered over and over again similar symbols of the Divine Feminine. I started this journey with continual questioning as to what feminine power was and what it meant to me. What was the goddess all about that was so revered by the ancient cultures? And the most challenging part of this journey was the continual discovery of just how much the old patriarchal structure was infused in my life.
It was a “thick” construct that consisted of fears and unexpressed emotions and beliefs that were far from being in alignment with the feminine.
My soul was at the helm, guiding me through experiences that began to awaken my Divine Feminine and the goddess within, continuing to illuminate the hardness and rigidity of what was needing to collapse.
I discovered that at the very foundation of this old construct was FEAR. And my process over the years of dismantling this structure so the Divine Feminine could enter, has been one of continual of letting go and trusting. Every struggle, every dis-ease, every area where I experienced hardness I tracked the roots to the well of fear.
The fear of losing control.
The fear of being wrong. The fear of being rejected.
The fear of being hurt. The fear of being seen. The fear of being abandoned.
The fear of losing.
The fear of missing out.
The fear of my own power.
All of these fears were cleverly disguised as something else and most often for me, they were disguised as being nice and caring and helpful and supportive but instead, as I tracked the threads of truth further into my being, they all were rooted in fear.
It was like going through the mythic gates of Inanna into the underworld being disrobed of all I thought I was, desperately seeking Ereshkigal, my long lost twin.
Having had created my life from this construct had lead to struggle, a sense of lack, betrayal, barely making it, just getting by, a survival mindset and a feeling of having to endure. This wasnʼt my experience in every area of my life, but certainly in several areas. The areas where there was fear.
This dismantling or disrobing looks differently for all of us. Sometimes we take large LEAPS that may look like leaving our jobs or leaving our relationships or moving to another state. Or for some, itʼs the loss of a loved one that shatters us so profoundly. And yet other times, it can be so subtle where in the split second of a moment we decide to respond with love rather than fear and everything changes.
Whatever this dismantling looks like for you, pay attention to the areas in your life where you experience struggle, or where you hear your inner voice speaking a different truth or your heart yearning for something new. Here are the areas of your life that carry the gems, the deepest learning and letting go, the greatest healing. Align yourself with willingness to peel back the layers, going deeper and deeper, seeking the truth that heals the ravines of separation.
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I float in the birth waters of mother earth where my energy body is renewed, remade with the crystalline structure of the Divine. Floating, floating, dissolving the old, shedding the hardened shell that has encased me and kept me small, kept me hidden from even myself. Floating in the warm amniotic fluid of the Divine, infusing me with hope, truth and love.