Gateway to the Goddess, part II
These woods I do not know, but I know him. The Green Man that runs through the forest naked howling like a wild coyote. He is the wild woman's beloved. The one who knows her, loves her, admires her power and her wildness, keeps her safe but not hidden away. As I look into the eyes of my own beloved and feel the river of tears that's about to erupt from my depths, I feel the grief of having lost this way of being, the grief of having spent most of my life disconnected from this part of myself, my wildness, my goddess self, sacrificing the fires of passion for a life of being proper, well-groomed, nice and domesticated. The tears flow, followed by deep sobs, an upheaval of despair pouring out onto the decaying leaves of the forest floor where I am but a guest. And then she appears. Not outside of me, but within me as my whole being opens like the chalice, a receptacle for light and love. My goddess self, emerging from the inner cave where she resided in the shadows of my being. This is it. THIS is what I've been searching for. This moment in time has been what I've thirsted for, dreamed of and felt my heart bleed for.
When we encounter our feminine selves, as beautiful and as powerful of an experience that it is, we can plummet back into the very reasons as to why we kept this part of ourselves hidden for so many years, generations, life times. After having this experience, my world was rocked in so many ways and it was what I call a "double edged sword". While experiencing the beauty, I also experienced the pain of having hidden this part of myself. I spent the next several years learning what it was I needed and wanted to be able to fully embody my feminine power and a goddess' way of life. At first I didn't even know what it was I needed. I had to give myself permission to try lots of different things in order to discover what I wanted and needed. But the one thing that I discovered as being the most important ingredient was SAFETY. I hadn't realized how much I had gotten used to hiding myself as a way to keep myself feeling safe. I hadn't realized how much I accommodated others as a way to keep myself safe.
But this was all an illusion. As I began deconstructing my life and discovering what brought me joy, what I needed to feel safe, being willing to show up and carve out space for myself in the world, I began to come out of hiding. When I study the ways our ancient ancestors lived at the temples and how the feminine was revered, AND I study the downfall of the temples, I can understand why it's been so difficult for women to unearth their power. We remember on a cellular level, the destruction and the wise choice of going underground for so long. But here we are. We've never really lost anything. We've just stayed in the shadows waiting for the right time and here it is. The movement for the feminine leaders to shine bright is so huge right now, that it's becoming so much bigger than any fear we may have. And yet, on a personal level, it's still up to each one of us to take it upon ourselves in our relationships, our families, our communities to make our own safety a number one priority.
So I'm asking you today,
What do you need to feel safe?
What do you need to allow vulnerability in your life?
What do you need to allow your warrior self to rest? What would your life look like if your weren't care taking or accommodating others?
Where does your soul need the healing balm? What does your feminine power want to create? What kind of life are you longing for?
We are the creative force of life. Let yourself slip into the dreamworld and dream a different way. Allow your feminine to have a voice for she knows the way. She holds much wisdom that has remained in the shadows long enough. Listen closely to the voice behind you, the gentle hands on your shoulders whispering, 'it's okay, it's time, blossom like the beautiful rose you are.'